RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION

Pplz the following writin is taken from iruoberver. This is not what i say. There r pple who dun understand these situation n rather than understandin some ppl blame, so hope this cud help them to get something..thanks..

I often wonder what the ultimate sense of well-being is; how to function in relationships and be happy. Ever heard about anything called relationship addiction? Can you answer? I bet very few people know a word like this exists. When a relationship becomes passionate, it is unavoidable to use phrases like “you complete me, you’re my everything…my happiness…my sense of living”…people really stick to these beliefs. They really take over your attitude on certain meaning of life and relationships.

Sad but true. Happiness in relationships no longer defines anything about you anymore. Well…when we depend on an outside source to provide our sense of well-being; when our view of life is colored by someone else’s crayon, we need to reconsider our meaning of happiness in life. Generally these values or way of life is fear of rejection and isolation. The result of the survival tools we used in childhood. The rules we followed through our adolescence. Time and again when we are unaware of how we feel but we are aware of how the other person feels. We really need to sit back and think of our needs and who we really are or the meaning of happiness in life.

I agree the outcome of all relationships cannot be favorable. But as individuals we have a choice to go for what we “want” or what we “need”. If you have never examined your relationship closely, go through the following and try to recollect anything which relates to your present relationship. Ever came across a situation where you felt victimized or threatened? Ever threatened to leave somebody but never could? Ever felt your needs were not met in your relationship? The same fights, the same anger, the same urge to control and the same frustration? Ever felt that you were “good for nothing”? Ever felt what ever you did in the process of saving your relationship backfired on you? Were your opinions and feelings acknowledged? Ever had to wait for the right time to say the right thing? And the right time never came. Ever had dysfunctional people in your life? Ever thought if you pushed yourself a little more, the relationship could have crossed the bridge. And it was your fault it couldn’t cross. Ever experienced feelings like; fear, anxiety, shame, need to control every aspect of life and people. Focused more on others need and taking care of them. Neglecting yourself and your needs. If there are even few “yes” then explore more…

Believe me; these reactions can be very confusing and self-defeating. It can result in awful of lot of stress and tension. But the good news is that you are not alone.

I am 25 years old; I have spent years with a dysfunctional man believing that the relationship with him was the best thing that could have happened to me. A man who constantly abused me; physically, mentally and emotionally and convinced me that I deserve it. I could never stop blaming myself. I persistently wondered what whent wrong with me when the other person was “what was wrong”. I though I was insane to have these overwhelming urge to control him and the surrounding. Whatever bad was happening in his life, I took responsibility of it and I took it too personally. This repeatedly destroyed my self-esteem.

But today I have come to terms with myself, my behaviors and my circumstances. I am able to take responsibility of my actions. That means there is hope .Hope to function in a healthy relationship and experience happiness. And believe that I deserve it. I have stopped setting my mind on what’s wrong and started noticing what’s right. I am still not good with setting boundaries but I am trying. I have started living instead of existing. I have started taking care of myself and it feels so good that I’m never going to stop it. All I am saying is that happiness comes when you start nurturing yourself even in a relationship.

I’ll tell you one thing; it’s been a strange road. I know there are a lot of you just like me… for am not perfect. So, I have stopped expecting perfection from others. But tomorrow is another day. And I am ready.

Aishath Zahira Rasheed